velomech -

10:32 am

I cant say, that joke wont go over in my house, Deb would modify it and tell it like this...

"I dont know honey, probably the same thing you tell a no good, balding, comedian husband, only he would have a busted nose as well."

So I dont tell blonde jokes in my house. She did get a kick outta the "School bus full of catholic school girls" one, that was freakin hilarious.

Yesterday I didnt ride at all, I just ate, worked, ate, came home, ate, took the kids to the bball game, ate...and all this time was getting fatter by the minute.

I must say though, parents ruin kids sporting events. fact. Parents are assholes, who live through there children and try to make up for their own failures in life by taking over their childrens fun stuff. True. I dont think there is ANY reason an adult should yell out in a game anything negative towards the other team,other player, other parents, or other anything. If the other team scores a shot, you should clap either way. They're kids, they are trying hard, and thats what counts.

Tonight I get to ride. As long as my mom can watch the kids. Deb has to work, which I wasnt counting on. Code red had yesterday off, and today and tomorrow. I forgot why. Im getting a lot done at the shop, Kryan was left with two things to do, hope he did em.

Ive had some parts to build my rear wheel for the Vassago but havent had the time, I have to do Paul Dardens wheels set, and a customer named scott to do first. Then I have Rusties shok to rebuild as well as Bob's. Finish up The Odea's roadbikes, Finish a lefty, Box and ship Code Reds old Cdale team bike...sheesh.

I have to put a new roof on the house when we get our tax refund, IF we get our tax refund. can I get a refund if I dont make anything??? I dont think so. Ahhh the joys of owning a business. I need to find that "Book of Joys" I keep hearing about, Im told that the joy of owning your own business is in between the "joy of getting paroled" and "Joy of Catching your spouce cheating"....sounds like a fun read.

I smell coffee, coffee that I made, as usual, because my wife hates me and just refuses to make coffee for me when she gets home from work at whatever o'clock in the am.

Im having a conversation with my wife as I type away. Seriously, If I could kick her ass I would. Here is a funny story, funny for her or you, not funny to me.

First, a little background on my wife. Aside form the fact that shes mean as a snake and hates me. She's the youngest kid of a bazillion...or maybe 6, who cares, anyway, she is the only girl. "aaaaah" you say, "now I get it" you say....dont Feel bad for HER, Feel bad for ME!!! good.

Many many moons ago, we were ruffhousing. We do that, I smack in her in the booty real hard, which she loves, even though she tells me she hates it. Then she'll punch me, and so on and so forth. Well, She got cocky and actually thought she was gonna whip my ass. So, I ducked a couple lefts and a right, and reached out and caught her wrists. I was pretty happy about that. Straight up bruce leroy, I would have made my ninja master very proud if he was real and not from a comic book.

So, being the considerate, kind and gentle husband my friends and family know me to be, I started to twist her arms and move them outward away from her body. It looked like it hurt quite a bit, Thus, bringing her a little closer to me. I said something very charasmatic, like in the old black and whites you see with Humphrey Bogart and some chick who likes a man to take charge....I say " Whos yer daddy now!"

I could see a smile creeping over her face in between the wincing and grimacing. So, I let up only a eency teency bit so she can give her strong commanding take charge husband the romantic kiss. I start to smile too, oh, wait, I thought she was smili....CRACK!!!!! My eyesight goes completely in the shitter for second and I realize Im falling backwards....all I can think of is my name is scott and I think we have a coffee table in here somewhere....and it's gonna hurt....

Then I hear my lovely wife saying..."OMG, Im sorry, Im so sorry, are you ok??, Honey??...Oh, Let me get a wash cloth"

So, Im regaining my wits, because they got scrambled around like fresh eggs, and I sit up. Washcloth?, what is she talking about? Where am I? All I remember was wrestling with my wife.....and what is this, blood?? where did that come from? Did I fall? I look around, I couldnt have hit my head on anything....I dont understand....oh yeah, I remember now, I had her hands, and she was going to kiss me, and I leaned in and she drew back her head as if to...WTF?!!! I see her walking back into the room..."You PHUKIN HEADBUTTED ME!!!"

"Oh Honey, Im sorry!" "I didnt mean to hurt you..Are you ok, let me stop the bleeding"

"What??, no!, get away!...let me see..." I get up to go look in the bathroom mirror...

She Headbutted me, she freakin headbutted me!!!!

Damn, that's a good gash, right above my right eye in my eyebrow. It could have used a stitch.
I come out and she is half crying half laughing at me. I went from complete shock and irritation to holy crap, my wife just kicked my ass disbelief.

"Honey, lets go to the doctors" "NO" I say, half laughing, "No way am I going anywhere for the rest of the weekend, Im sure as hell not getting a stitch and telling them my psyko wife headbutted me so she could win a wrestling match. Nope."

It was the first of many ass kickings.

I learned just how tough a woman can be if she is raised with 5 or 6 brothers and she is the youngest.

Just an interesting story, and little background info on why I choose my blonde jokes very carefully. You will NEVER see her "Right" coming. it's blindingly fast, you definetly wont feel the second one.

Enough of that very traumatic time in my life. After a little therapy, I am doing well, thanks for your concern.

I had the most killer dream last night. It was "Fifth Element" meets "Miami Vice" meets "The Last starfighter", I was THE MAN! Somehow, one of my psyko ex girlfriends made it in there somewhere, and then it went down the tubes, and I was trying to patch stuff up, and make things right when the world exploded. If I had my priorites right, I would have saved the world and told her to go jump in a lake. But, we have all had somekind of psyko ex, who distorts our reality and tricks us into thinking if we just try a little harder or pay more attention or realize they are more important than saving the world...so, I got distracted and the world was destroyed. My bad. Sorry.

(Monster truck announcers voice)
TONIGHT!!!YARGO!!!ADDICTIVE CYCLES NITERIDE!!!!! COME ONE, COME ALL!!! NITRO BURNING! STEEL TWISTING!!! MUSCLE TEARING EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!

ANDY HAS A NEW BIKE!!! IKE IKE IKE!!!!
HODGE IS OUT OF BASE!!!!ASE!!!! ASE!!ASE!!!
RANDY IS SEEKING REVENGE!!! ENGE!! ENGE!!!

Ride starts at 7pm, its supposed to start at 6:30, but no one can get there on time, so lets just say 7 and be done with it. We will have some lights to lend if you need them...hope you can make it....

Later
Hodge