velomech - back to reality..a typical day in the life....

08:39 pm - back to reality..a typical day in the life....

So, I wake up at 6:05 am. Kids are coughing. I roll over, the wife is missing from the bed. I roll over...6:10 and the kids are still coughing and havent stopped.

6:20....hack hack hack...6:30, thats enough. I get up, I walk into the the kitchen where the three female hodges are slamming stuff around and coughing coughing coughing.

They all look at me as I round the corner. "What the crap!?!..Will you freakin take some cough medicine!" I say in as nice a vice as I can muster...

"Oh, Sorry daddy, did we wake you?" I stare at them, and they know what is going through my tiny brain...."What do you think!?!"

"Sorry"

"I dont want sorry I want your mother to suggest cough medicine so you will stop coughin after a few minutes, not after 30 minutes, Deb, sound good?" (total sarcasm)

I get the look. I dont care because my wife and two daughters have double my IQ, but they lack even the teensiest amount of common sense.

I bust out the cough medicine, shove spoons down there throats, slap em each on the back of the head, throw the spoon in the sink while stairing at the wife the whole time. I walk away.
The kids are laughing, not coughing, funny how that works.
The wife mumbles..."G'night grumpy pants"...

"Its freakin morning thanks"

So, I get my clothes on, well more clothes anyway.

I walk out, and the Hannah hasnt brushed her teeth or hair. The bus is due any second. She gets her teeth brushed and starts her hair. I hear the bus.

"Dude, if you miss the buss, Im not taking you to school. You've had an hour, what have you been doing."

"I dont know" she says.

The hannah, hasnt missed a day of school in two years, and never more than one, in all her life. Tough kid. So it breaks my heart to be the "Bad cop"

My wife looks at me and says, dont be a jerk.

"I reprimand my kid because you wont, she's gonna miss the bus because you never scold her for wasting her time, and not getting ready. why am I being a jerk?"

I raise my vioce, and The hannah starts to worry, Im afraid shes gonna cry.

Deb says "Honey, just bring the hairbrush on the bus"

I say "No, brush your hair here, before you leave the house, and if you miss the bus, tough, Im not taking you to school."

Deb shoots me a look that I dont get too often, "No Hannah, just go catch the bus and bring the brush, daddy, can I talk to you?!"

Um, Im right, I know Im right, as soon as The Hannah leaves for the bus, Deb lays into me.

I reply with, "Sarah gets up, gets ready and hangs out for 45 minutes, Hannah walks around and wastes 45 minutes and rushes out showing total shit for hygiene. It embarasses our family and you let her. Almost everyday...What hell?"

Deb gets up and leaves the room. I get up and make a cup of coffee...no milk. Gawdammit!
"Why are we out of milk!?"

"Because YOU forgot to bring it hoome!"

"I got home at 11 OCLOCK!!" I say

"And YOU were supposed to bring home milk!"

"You were out all night running errands!"

"AND...YOU... WERE...SUPPOSED...TO...BRING...HOME...MILK!"

"UGH! All we have is that flavored crap you use!

"Oh Well"

Right now, Im thinking, Take off, nuke the site from orbit, start over.
So, I pour in her flavored crap, take a sip of what was once black delicious coffee, and try not to gag. ew.

So I go grab my riding clothes. I walk into the bathroom where the box the kids came in is trying to put on make up.

"Im sorry"

"You should be"

"I said I was sorry, but your wrong, I just went about making my point the wrong way"

"Apology accepted."

"Y'know, I apologize when Im wrong, every time."

"So do I" she says

"No you dont, You never apologize when your wrong" i say

I turn around and walk away....She mumbles..."Cuz Im never wrong"

"Bite me"

"Bring it" she says....

"No" I say

I put the clothes on the red couch. I get my phone, "Hey, If I run out of gas will you come get me?"

"YEah"

"Love you bye"

"Love you bye"

For those who dont know, I have run out of gas in the fifty eight 4 times this month. I supposedly fixed the fuel sending unit in the tank, but have yet to figure out where "Empty" really is....so I run out of gas when the needle is on different lines????WTH?

SO, I go to crank the fifty eight, it wont start. It's parked inthe driveway on a slight hill.
I dump it into nuetral, roll it back, and point the front down hill. I get out, go look for the gas can in the trunk, which is huge and it's easy to lose anything. I fint it...empty. Or, as close to empty as you can get, and still have a few drops of gas in it. I gently pour the four remaining drops of fuel into the tank, careful not to spill any.

I lean into the car to hit the garage door opener, and bump my head. Dammit that stings. I go looking fo rthe lawnmower gas can in the garage. SWEET! I grab it, it's light. Real light, like empty light. There is a few spoonfuls of gas in it. WHich is probably why the lawnmower is still sitting in the middle of the back yard. It ran out of gas.

Jeezuz, day is going great so far. Pour the gas vapors in th efuel tank. Launch the gas can into the garage with attitude. get in the car, crank the 50 year old engine over, she fires up.
I coast out into the road, and down all the hills. Only touching the throttle when I have to.
I come to a stop sign and she dies. I say "come on sweetheart, half a mile"

I turn the key, she comes to life, a little rougher than before, I pull out, and Idle up the hill. As I crest the hill she starts to die....I kill the motor to leave some gas in the carb.
I roll into the gas station at the bottom of the hill.

I get out. I grab the nozzle and start pouring. As I take it out, $50 later, I look into the gas filler tube that goes into the actual gas tank, I can see the gas in the tank, and there seems to be a lot more room in there. I Decide I can squeeze more fuel in but I need to watch it go in. I think there was a massive air bubble in there, because the fuel explodes out towards my face and I look away just in time, I catch it on the chin, and all down my shirt.

Nice.

Im soaked in fuel...anyone got alight?

I look around, hoping noone saw how stupid I was...coast was clear. I look at the price on the pump, sweet, Im wearing two dollars in gas.

I grab my spare gas can and start pouring fuel in it, it only holds a gallon. As soon as I pull the trigger Gas explodes out of the can, all over my shorts and socks...I stare at my feet, and hold my breathe, because the vapors are all rising up toward my face.
I look into the gas station, the old lady working there is looking at me like Im an absolute nutter.

I feel like my day is going well. I pay, I get back in the fifty eight, turn the key, hoping I left enough gas in the carb to fire the three hundred and fifty two cubic inches of throaty fifties iron. She fires up, rough, and then smoothes out nice. I figure, Im sooo late. I was supposed to be at yargo at 8, it's now 9:25 am....wonderful.

I get in the car, reeking of 93 octane. (the car wont run on cheap gas)

Halfway there I decide to start changing into my riding clothes....I reach behind me...nothing. Look around...under the seats, nothing.

I pick up the phone, "Hey honey, Can you look on the red couch for me?

"Sure" She says.

"what do you see?" I ask

She giggles, "your riding clothes"

"Figures"

"What abut my shades?"

"what about my baggie of vitamins"

"Them too, You gonna turn around?"

"hail no!, I missed my ride yesterday, I'll ride in a tshirt if I need to, Im riding."

"Have fun"

"Whatever"

I roll into Yargo, I give the attendant Three bucks, i ask him how long he's gonna be there, he tells me all day. I give him three bucks for Matty when he rolls through.

I tell him he's rollin in a silver VW, bikes on the back, real ugly in the face.

He chuckles, tells me he'll make sure matty gets in. I say, "Tell him he's ugly"
He says sure.

I get out of the fifty eight, when I pull in the lot. I open the planet swallowing trunk, and low and behold, I ransid jersey and wet pair of shorts from two days ago. I struck gold.

Then I find a little red and white bottle of "Sport legs"....hmmm, maybe Im gonna have a good ride.

I figure I would need something to push this gear around yargo.

Last night I installed the 16t. Im running 58.3 gear inches, which is over 2:1 ratio.
matty rolls up after my second lap and we ride together for one lap, then get a burger and veggies.

On the second lap though, I was killin the 16t. I wasnt under stress at all during the ride. I could probably have gone witha 15t in back and been fine. Im happy.

Got to work, Barry the winemaker Underwood was there. Reminded me we have a Xmas ride at chicopee in the am, and I need to get Jittery joes coffee.

Matty brought his frame in, and Nate stopped by so we could setup his tubless system...It explodes sealant all over us several times. The quote of the week is going up on the board tomorrow, "Sorry Im just a homo roadie"...Thats the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Im laughing, because I have sealant all over my face, and were are all standing in a huge puddle of white anti flat juice.

I hate tubeless systems, I wish they didnt work so well.

Finished up the night with some to-go spicy basil chicken with my dinner partners Matty cakes and carebear, and hit the road to go home and apologize to The Hannah, and hang out with the fam.

TOday I had one of the best rides in a looooong time. It was awesome. All in all, a rough start for sure, but thats typical in my life. I always tell my self, I woke up, Im off to a good start. None of my family or friends died on me, the dog is still here.

Doin ok.

Im almost finished with The Hoffs wheelset. Im waiting on a set of training wheels, we had made custom. He wont have to put his foot down any more. He'll be injury free for the rest of the season. The mouthgaurd we got him says Surly on it...well, it actually said Shirley, but we modified it a little.

Stay off the ankle you dummy!


LAter
Hodge, of the Clan HODGE